Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.