I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops