I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?