One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture