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Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
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