I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.