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She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
should my penis look like a turkey
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
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