This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..