waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
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oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
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Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself