I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.