My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.