Last Night in Washington (253)

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• (253): View more from Washington

  I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.

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• (253): View more from Washington

  So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?

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• (253): View more from Washington

  I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.

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• (253): View more from Washington

  Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.

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• (253): View more from Washington

  thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.

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• (253): View more from Washington

  In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.

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• (253): View more from Washington

  I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.

  (281): View more from Texas

  No. Just liquor. Time's no good.

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• (253): View more from Washington

  These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency

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• (253): View more from Washington

  girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends

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• (253): View more from Washington

  My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?

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• (253): View more from Washington

  Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...

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• (253): View more from Washington

  Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?

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• (253): View more from Washington

  I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.

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• (360): View more from Washington

  Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.

  (253): View more from Washington

  you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.

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