MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss