you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
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It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
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I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.