So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"