The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.