You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver