Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?