great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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