Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Those nachos came to me in a dream
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.