Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Ohio (216)

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  I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?

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  (216): I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america? http://tfl.nu/75bl
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  He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping

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  (216): He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping http://tfl.nu/ku3q
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  The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.

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  (216): The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first. http://tfl.nu/lmqj
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  You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...

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  (216): You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them... http://tfl.nu/jngm
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  he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone

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  (216): he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone http://tfl.nu/anp6
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  My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.

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  (216): My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak. http://tfl.nu/lf5p
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  what is it with giant penises always finding me

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  (216): what is it with giant penises always finding me http://tfl.nu/ji8j
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  Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."

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  (216): Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect." http://tfl.nu/19ko
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  there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?

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  (216): there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed? http://tfl.nu/x18l
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  she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"

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  (216): she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm" http://tfl.nu/ofag
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  I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!

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  (216): I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this! http://tfl.nu/r5na
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  It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote

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  (216): It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote http://tfl.nu/ew61
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  i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time

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  (216): i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time http://tfl.nu/lu1w
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  This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.

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  (216): This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life. http://tfl.nu/j431
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  When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.

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  (216): When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning. http://tfl.nu/aoha
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