My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.