I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
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If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
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That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.