I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.