Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
