Texts From Last Night

Last Night in New Jersey (908)

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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Great news I took pics last night

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  Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies

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  (908): Great news I took pics last night (908): Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies http://tfl.nu/mrta
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  I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.

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  (908): I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling. http://tfl.nu/t9ar
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  Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.

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  (908): Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers. http://tfl.nu/nu4z
  Replies (6) Good night (634) Bad night (261) Order T-Shirt
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  ....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.

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  (908): ....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle. http://tfl.nu/zsd1
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  When / where did the additional couches appear?

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  Additional?

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  James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.

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  (908): When / where did the additional couches appear? (732): Additional? (908): James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up. http://tfl.nu/kn0g
  Replies (3) Good night (869) Bad night (259)
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  Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.

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  (908): Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud. http://tfl.nu/9hne
  Replies (1) Good night (813) Bad night (241) Order T-Shirt
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  do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?

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  (908): do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"? http://tfl.nu/vbms
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  Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops

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  (908): Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops http://tfl.nu/wq2e
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  My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night

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  Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate

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  (908): My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night (212): Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate http://tfl.nu/bmji
  Replies (4) Good night (1066) Bad night (236)
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  If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs

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  (908): If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs http://tfl.nu/w28c
  Replies (1) Good night (466) Bad night (236) Order T-Shirt
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  HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART

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  (908): HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART http://tfl.nu/i6nd
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  if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk

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  (908): if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk http://tfl.nu/13sw
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  Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either

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  (908): Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either http://tfl.nu/pvlp
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  And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned

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  (908): And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned http://tfl.nu/t8ci
  Replies (8) Good night (784) Bad night (230)
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  When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"

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  (908): When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!" http://tfl.nu/ui55
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