I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good