I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.