I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
it's great music for shaving your balls
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.