They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?