my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
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Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
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You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today