I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
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Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
it's great music for shaving your balls
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
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I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.