The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
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What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
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We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'