2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.