i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.