i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
