fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy