If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
You Wouldn’t Guess That These 25 Celebrities Are Complete A**holes
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.