the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today