Texts From Last Night · Last Night in (301)

Last Night in Maryland (301)

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I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.

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(301): I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you. http://tfl.nu/0isu

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you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.

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(301): you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop. http://tfl.nu/0o9n

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he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water

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(301): he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water http://tfl.nu/w3uv

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Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night

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(301): Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night http://tfl.nu/y3ii

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Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.

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(301): Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them. http://tfl.nu/uwdn

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i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up

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(301): i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up http://tfl.nu/1cet

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is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?

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(301): is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away? http://tfl.nu/7whm

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Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?

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(301): Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands? http://tfl.nu/6ufe

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roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.

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(301): roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away. http://tfl.nu/4epj

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Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again

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(301): Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again http://tfl.nu/89sh

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He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.

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(301): He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex. http://tfl.nu/9ztc

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I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!

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OMG! Ew.

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Lucky Dad.

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(240): I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one! (301): OMG! Ew. (240): Lucky Dad. http://tfl.nu/dv3r

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i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.

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(301): i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man. http://tfl.nu/s3bb

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When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...

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New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey

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(301): When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics... (301): New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey http://tfl.nu/918b

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fuck the hobbit

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what about unicorns?

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fuck those pointy horses

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(732): fuck the hobbit (301): what about unicorns? (732): fuck those pointy horses http://tfl.nu/k7om

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Last Night in Maryland (301)

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