Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
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Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
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I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.