Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.