when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking