I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up