Texts From Last Night · Last Night in (720)

Last Night in Colorado (720)

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(720): View more from Colorado

Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food

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(720): Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food http://tfl.nu/f7o2

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It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.

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You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.

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(720): It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love. (920): You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit. http://tfl.nu/9jaf

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I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.

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(720): I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice. http://tfl.nu/dx9d

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I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.

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(720): I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn. http://tfl.nu/6oei

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Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown

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I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.

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(720): Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown (303): I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself. http://tfl.nu/zmkv

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the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.

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(720): the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat. http://tfl.nu/19vn

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morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.

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(720): morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore. http://tfl.nu/srrk

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the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.

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(720): the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom. http://tfl.nu/h1iv

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Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."

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(720): Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open." http://tfl.nu/m5a9

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well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?

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(720): well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you? http://tfl.nu/2ont

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i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..

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yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures

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(858): i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume.. (720): yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures http://tfl.nu/ebwm

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It smells like weed.

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We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.

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(303): It smells like weed. (720): We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed. http://tfl.nu/w4bb

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Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.

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I'm that good.

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(720): Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time. (970): I'm that good. http://tfl.nu/qp5j

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How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.

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(720): How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box. http://tfl.nu/9hzq

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o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket

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(720): o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket http://tfl.nu/nqxt

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Last Night in Colorado (720)

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