I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
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Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
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As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are