He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers