Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
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After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
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When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you