she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.