We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"