So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.