Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling