Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Washington (206)

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  Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.

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  (206): Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking. http://tfl.nu/kuj0
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  Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!

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  Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...

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  (323): Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people! (206): Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003... http://tfl.nu/95ks
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  Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.

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  (206): Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use. http://tfl.nu/b12a
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  I thought spray tan was a myth

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  ?

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  You know, something that only happens in Jersey

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  (206): I thought spray tan was a myth (1-206): ? (206): You know, something that only happens in Jersey http://tfl.nu/gplq
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  She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant

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  At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats

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  (206): She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant (360): At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats http://tfl.nu/21vb
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  He could be your dad!

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  We discussed that right before he asked for my number

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  (425): He could be your dad! (206): We discussed that right before he asked for my number http://tfl.nu/jztz
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  That's when you crack a 10am beer

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  (206): That's when you crack a 10am beer http://tfl.nu/ppt1
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  My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ

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  (206): My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ http://tfl.nu/st4o
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  Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection

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  (206): Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection http://tfl.nu/mgca
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  We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.

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  (206): We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that. http://tfl.nu/vyji
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  What should our trivia night team be named?

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  Define Statutory

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  (206): What should our trivia night team be named? (925): Define Statutory http://tfl.nu/hrvk
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  Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.

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  (206): Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it. http://tfl.nu/tro9
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  I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.

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  (206): I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work. http://tfl.nu/jzpk
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  two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?

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  only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.

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  (360): two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it? (206): only if you didn't want to fuck up your life. http://tfl.nu/bqd4
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  i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man

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  (206): i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man http://tfl.nu/40et
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