I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???