You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
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i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
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She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions