just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
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I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
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The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.