I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
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She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
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The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?