theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.