Hippo gnu deer
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
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I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.