they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
My thoughts exactly.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.