Texts From Last Night · Last Night in (415)

Last Night in California (415)

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(415): View more from California

Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.

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(415): Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer. http://tfl.nu/s996

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I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.

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(415): I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made. http://tfl.nu/o1d2

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(510): View more from California

he said he didn't have a condom.

(415): View more from California

and you said?

(510): View more from California

that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.

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(510): he said he didn't have a condom. (415): and you said? (510): that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that. http://tfl.nu/4u76

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And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"

(1-415): View more from California

What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.

(415): View more from California

He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."

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(415): And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!" (1-415): What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy. (415): He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie." http://tfl.nu/chbe

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i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian

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(415): i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian http://tfl.nu/vq1a

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Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?

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(415): Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust? http://tfl.nu/brsq

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u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them

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(415): u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them http://tfl.nu/vc7z

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just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?

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(415): just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good? http://tfl.nu/tswm

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I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with

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(415): I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with http://tfl.nu/jobl

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(408): View more from California

carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.

(415): View more from California

be there in 3 mins

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(408): carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit. (415): be there in 3 mins http://tfl.nu/00q0

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mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you

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(415): mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you http://tfl.nu/75lg

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This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations

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(415): This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations http://tfl.nu/81ve

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(415): View more from California

Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.

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(415): Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events. http://tfl.nu/5em3

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(650): View more from California

sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.

(415): View more from California

we had.

(650): View more from California

well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.

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(650): sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter. (415): we had. (650): well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again. http://tfl.nu/lm7j

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I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.

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(415): I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity. http://tfl.nu/h9r5

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Last Night in California (415)

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