Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
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Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
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i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am