I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
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The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
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That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever