Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl