There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around