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Last Night in Florida (407)

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i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"

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(407): i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks" http://tfl.nu/9b0l

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He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.

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(407): He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat. http://tfl.nu/lz98

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I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"

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(407): I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt" http://tfl.nu/48bw

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Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.

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(407): Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store. http://tfl.nu/m9df

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Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.

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(407): Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date. http://tfl.nu/dv8x

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I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"

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(407): I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays" http://tfl.nu/5s21

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I think I have a pornographic memory.

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Don't you mean photographic?

(407): View more from Florida

No.

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(407): I think I have a pornographic memory. (954): Don't you mean photographic? (407): No. http://tfl.nu/ii2n

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I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.

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(407): I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up. http://tfl.nu/laen

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I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.

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i think you have the wrong number

(813): View more from Florida

so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.

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(813): I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter. (407): i think you have the wrong number (813): so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool. http://tfl.nu/uuec

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you definitely have a few illegitimate kids

(1-407): View more from Florida

probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine

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(407): you definitely have a few illegitimate kids (1-407): probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine http://tfl.nu/6feu

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hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?

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i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery

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(561): hey can i ask you a kinda weird question? (407): i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery http://tfl.nu/88o8

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Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.

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(407): Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child. http://tfl.nu/79c5

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Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot

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(407): Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot http://tfl.nu/9dyf

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the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.

(407): View more from Florida

given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was

(352): View more from Florida

i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it

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(352): the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight. (407): given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was (352): i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it http://tfl.nu/tb83

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im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes

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i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.

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(407): im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes (1-407): i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes. http://tfl.nu/3nr6

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Last Night in Florida (407)

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