I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
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If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
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I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.