Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
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Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
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She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.