Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Florida (407)

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  Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.

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  (407): Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama. http://tfl.nu/o21n
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  do you ever just like the smell of your farts?

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  (407): do you ever just like the smell of your farts? http://tfl.nu/zlob
  Replies (39) Good night (4113) Bad night (4075) Order T-Shirt
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  We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.

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  (407): We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab. http://tfl.nu/iyx8
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  My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.

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  (407): My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options. http://tfl.nu/3za2
  Replies (33) Good night (3653) Bad night (1384) Order T-Shirt
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  Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."

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  (407): Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything." http://tfl.nu/1ue8
  Replies (35) Good night (16991) Bad night (771)
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  No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal

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  (407): No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal http://tfl.nu/6ttq
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  If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you

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  (407): If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you http://tfl.nu/r9im
  Replies (21) Good night (886) Bad night (4326) Order T-Shirt
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  Your dick is once again the conversation topic.

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  (407): Your dick is once again the conversation topic. http://tfl.nu/okqh
  Replies (12) Good night (4439) Bad night (484) Order T-Shirt
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  is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?

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  (407): is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation? http://tfl.nu/cy8e
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  So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!

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  (407): So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!! http://tfl.nu/uf67
  Replies (56) Good night (4635) Bad night (516) Order T-Shirt
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  I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.

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  (407): I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through. http://tfl.nu/kavy
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  I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate

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  (407): I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate http://tfl.nu/yf54
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  I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.

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  (407): I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA. http://tfl.nu/w336
  Replies (52) Good night (1732) Bad night (3950) Order T-Shirt
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  so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.

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  (407): so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it. http://tfl.nu/5uvk
  Replies (33) Good night (1445) Bad night (4457) Order T-Shirt
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  this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.

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  (407): this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god. http://tfl.nu/34d8
  Replies (65) Good night (13421) Bad night (690) Order T-Shirt