I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
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Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
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There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy