i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.