I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
These 21 FaceApped Celebrities Will Make You LOL
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
25 People Confess Their Favorite Way To Annoy Their Significant Other
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...