Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.