dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.