You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet