At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.