DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker