My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet