At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
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Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
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We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future